Au Revoir to Graham by our racing correspondant Ross Davies
I had written a little ode to Graham as it was his last game for the Saturday Whimps for some time and as there weren’t many of us to hear it I thought I’d write it here for you. Get a box of tissues for your eyes….
As many of you know, Graham is moving to a five-day membership, which means we’ll be seeing a lot less of one of the true Titans of the Saturday Whimps, as he shifts his focus — and his formidable powers — to the Wednesday Whimps and Seniors instead.
As long as I’ve been at Winter Hill, I can remember that infectious laugh, that beaming smile, and that outstretched hand — as I handed him pound coins, time after time, in this legendary roll-up.
One of my first memories of him was during his captain’s year in 2016. We were playing an away game, and his after-match speeches were always a delight. We’d usually been handed our arses on a plate by Badgemore or Harewood Downs or some such place, and even though we’d been narrowly defeated — 6–0 — I remember looking up as Graham rallied the broken troops with a rousing speech, full of praise for the rampant opposition and comforting words for the battered Winter Hill team. I thought to myself, for God’s sake, hurry up — I’m starving.
But, let’s talk about his skills a bit — because he’s one of the greatest match-play players I’ve ever seen in action. If you were drawn against him in the ball toss, it was odds-on you’d be handing over your coins. And if you were drawn with him, there’d be a collective sigh of relief, because your entry fee was probably already covered.
I’ve seen him get inside opponents’ heads quicker than a dodgy bookmaker on Derby Day. And he’s won that many pound coins from the Whimps, he could probably afford to live in a house in Cookham!
But of course, we also know him best for standing up here, in front of us, before the results are read out — that little book in his hand. That book that’s filled with lost dreams and broken promises — yet every so often, from those hallowed pages, there emerges a glorious moment of ecstasy and joyous release that flows through the room as we all come together in one brief second of shared triumph.
And yes, before you get any ideas — I am still talking about the horses, chaps!
Now, about those tips… Who could forget the wonder horse Summerghand? We backed it so many times, I’m sure we were still betting on it long after it had passed away. Talk about flogging a dead horse! But oh, the winners — funny how those are the ones we always remember. Chat GPT has left me a space in this speech to insert multiple winning but as I scoured the results sheets from the last few years I could only find Threeunderthrufive which was a winner in February 2024. We have even had a few people step up to take his place as top tipper and yes, Billy had a winner, Rob had a winner and the sadly the rest of were about as much use as the Paraguayan Navy (Paraguay is land locked if you were wondering) Whilst our wallets over the years have generally been as dry as a dead dingo’s donger he has turned the world on it’s head the last couple of weeks with Castle Cove and Kikijo which left us feeling flusher than Thomas Crapper.
And speaking of things “nailed on,” Bomber’s also been the club’s undisputed Golden Ticket King. You’ll remember those tickets — the ones that could win you a year’s free golf. Well, Graham didn’t just sell a few — he sold enough one year to give three people free memberships! And best of all, he even managed to sell one to the current captain — who, as we all know, already gets his golf for free! Now that’s a salesman.
So in honour of your service to the Whimps, Bomber, and all the laughs, the tips, and the golden moments, we’d like to present you with a little something to help make those tips a bit more… nailed on.
Now everyone, please raise your glasses — to Graham… Nailed On! 
